We're just friends - The unwritten rules of casual sex
It's safe to say, that at some point during our adult lives we have all found ourselves in the throes of a casual fling. Or at the very least, had thoughts of getting ourselves a "friend with benefits". But what are the realities of embarking on this kind of relationship? Lets take a look at the world of casual sex...
Once upon a time, the idea of having a friend that you occasionally have sex with was utterly unheard of and borderline taboo. Back when physical relations were for husband and wife and no one else, it would have been unthinkable to have a part-time playmate for such a thing. Thankfully, it's no longer 1900 and we are very much in the modern world, where our lifestyles and dating habits have evolved to encompass the potentially very confusing area of friends with benefits, that easily accessible and satisfying casual sex with someone you are fond of.
It can often feel as if we have to define ourselves and our choices through different labels. You're a brother, father, son, colleague, straight, gay, married, single... But where is the label for saying you quite enjoy an on/off raunchy relationship with a mate, but you are just friends? Even though it is more widely accepted, and many of us are doing it, there still seems to be this grey area of not quite knowing how to define the setup. Well, here's a quick guide to navigating the tricky waters!
Firstly, it's no ones business but your own!If you feel as if you want to preserve the secrecy and intimacy of the time shared with your horny friend, then don't feel that you have to explain anything at all... to anyone! It is very possible to be outwardly seen as good mates, to enjoy the same circle of friends and have no one be any the wiser. Consider having this chat with your casual sex partner and deciding on how you interact with each other outside if your fun rendezvous.
Keep it light.Often times, we choose to have a FWB because it's fun, simple and quenches our naughty thirst without getting too serious or making commitments we aren't ready for. If your feelings start to change, or you decide you need more from a partner then have that conversation with them, they may not be in the same place you are and it's only fair to let them know if you begin to have more amorous intentions towards your mate. But always be sure to approach the topic lightly and without any big bombshells, neither of you signed up for that!
Conversely, ask yourself if your FWB actually KNOWS that that's what they are!It may seem obvious, you thought you were getting into something sexy and casual, but is that how they feel? It can quickly go from perfection to nightmare if you guys aren't singing from the same hymn sheet, so have this conversation early and as openly as possible. Be truthful and direct about your desires and make sure everyone knows where they stand.
If your situation changes and you find yourself with multiple partners, playing the field as they say, that's cool! And good on you my friend, but be sure that you are comfortable and safe with your choices. As mentioned above, it really is no ones business but your own, but if you have a setup with a playmate and you respect them and care for them, it may be worth getting them in the loop with your love life, and who knows... Maybe a threesome will be on the cards if you are lucky!
And finally, to booty call or not to booty call, that is the question!You guys will have your own groove going and know whether those midnight texts offering some good loving will be well received, or if your friend may need more notice than that. But hey, you don't ask you don't get! Remember, keep it light, keep it fun, be enticing and you guys will be golden for as long as the situation suits you both!
Good luck, and have a great time ;)